Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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