sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
