not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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