yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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