she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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