Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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