Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
