A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
