you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
