I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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