He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just found a bag of teeth...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
