I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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