Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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