I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
