I'm so fucking centered right now
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
