I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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