did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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