Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
