your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
