What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
