you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize