you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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