Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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