i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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