Your face is a jimmy john
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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