you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
