Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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