I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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