She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
A bitchslap is in order.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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