I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
