I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I want to fling myself into the sun
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
