I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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