after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i've created a new STD.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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