Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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