hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
