she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
