oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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