There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
