I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
