My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
