Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
