the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
