I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My vagina is officially offended.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
