Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
