I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
a search helicopter?!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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