can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
