awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
