dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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