the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
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I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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