I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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