I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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