Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
