They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
