did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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