Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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