32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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