you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
