Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
