He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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