'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh god it's open bar.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
