it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i already hear my dad disowning me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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