Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
