Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
