You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
