We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
