I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
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Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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