was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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