playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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