I'm so fucking centered right now
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Randomize
