The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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