I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
