he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am naked and annoyed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
