so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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