The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
do nipples grow back?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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