Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Sober January is a disaster.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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