the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
